Falling In Love
Lots of romantic people will wax lyrical to you about the prospect of falling in love, creating poetry about the colour of their ex-girlfriend’s hair or singing sonnets about an old photograph they found the other week that reminds them of ‘the one that got away’. The truth is that falling in love is wonderful – being in love is amazing, but we don’t always react to it in the best possible way. In fact, most of the time many of us immediately fall into doing pretty down-right stupid things that can ruin the experience for us entirely. This article intends to divulge some of those bad reactions to you, so that if you can’t stop yourself from doing them in the future, you can, at least rest assured that you’re not alone in the world of romantic mishaps.
“Let’s get ready to completely over-think everything we do!”
Reassuring Ourselves Our Partner Will Have No Flaws
People aren’t perfect. No matter what Disney movies might have lead you to believe in the past, the person that you fall in love with isn’t necessarily going to be the most ideal person on the planet. They’ll have flaws, and that’s a good thing! Imagine how exhausting it would be to be absolutely flawless, day-in, day-out, not to mention boring. If you’re really in love with someone, that love should be reflected in the reality of who that person actually is, not who you would ideally like him or her to be.
“You’re kind of sweaty, but I like that about you.”
It sounds like mushy relationship advice, but it’s true, if you know someone’s insecurities, weaknesses, the things that they hate most about themselves, and you still get those squidgy warm feelings deep inside, then you congratulate yourself on having a real, loving relationship. Dream-guys and girls are nice, but in the morning, you want to wake up to someone who you can truly appreciate, flaws, and all.
Comparing Our S.O to Past Relationships
Regardless of your position in a relationship, there’s nothing worse than when your significant other refers to you in reference to something their old flame used to say or do. Yes, it can be healthy to talk about your exes and discuss the things that you want out of a future relationship, but that doesn’t mean harping on about the way your ex used to behave. Doing this just makes your other half feel as though they’re constantly under scrutiny, and no-one can be happy if they’re always worried about living up to your expectations. It doesn’t matter if you’re straight, gay, bisexual or in a three-way modernized relationship, keep the ex-talk to a minimum and focus on your future together.
“You know, Mark had a much firmer grip…”
The best way to avoid inappropriate comparisons is to make sure you are well and truly over your old girlfriend or boyfriend before you get involved with someone else. If you’re not ready to move on, then don’t, no matter how lonely you might feel or how badly you need an extra player for your weekly Call of Duty game nights.
Making Sacrifices We Don’t Really Want to Make
Relationships come with a degree of compromise. You’re probably not going to have everything exactly the way you want them, because that’s not how dealing with another human-being works, but you can make sure that the sacrifices you make are ones that you are comfortable with. This means figuring out what you like about a person, what you’d rather change, and what you have to deal with regardless of your feelings.
She was probably really hungry, too.
At the end of the day, if you decide to stick with someone despite any obstacles that they may have in their way, you’ve made that sacrifice, and you really can’t hold it against your other half. Still, even though true love may be about sacrifice, like when Nala decides not to eat Timone and Pumba in the Lion King, you need to figure out which sacrifices you are willing to make, and which are just going to make you unhappy. Remember, you can’t tally these things up for points at a later date.
Refusing To Have an Argument and Expecting Him or Her to Resolve Things
Arguments are not the most fun part of a relationship, unless you’re one of those couples that thrive on conflict, (I can personally say I know at least one) but sometimes they’re necessary. People have problems sometimes, issues that they want to work out, and the worst way to deal with it is to decide to shut up and not say anything, or act like a crazy person because you don’t know how to express yourself. The more you let the issue bubble away inside of your head, the more chance it has to spiral out of control, and you end up saying a lot of things, and doing things that you really regret later down the line.
The point here is, if you need to argue, do that. Say everything you need to say and let the other person respond to how you feel. Work through things. This does not mean attacking your significant other, either with mean phrases or with deftly-placed punches to the throat, nor does it mean dredging up rubbish from the past that you all forgot about three months ago. Stay calm and resolve your issues like adults, and maybe afterwards have some ice-cream, if there’s time.