So, you are on the verge of getting a divorce. While it might seem like the end of the world, you need to pick yourself up and move on.
When divorce is impending, people often have second thoughts about signing the dotted line. And this doubt is absolutely okay, considering the amount of effort you put into the marriage in the first place. Any time you are about to do something that is life altering, it is a cause for deep reflection.
You should not, at the same time, let your doubts burden you so much that you end up questioning the decision to get a divorce.
Embrace the doubts, but do not tet them change your concept of reality
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It is important to remember that you have legitimate reasons for deciding to walk down this avenue in the first place. Skirting around the issue is not going to help. The number of couples whose marriages have lasted after going back at the last moment is very low. What happens instead in such cases is that the issues remain unresolved for years, along with extended misery.
The worst reason to continue in a hopeless marriage
The biggest reason for putting off a divorce and getting into a toxic, unproductive relationship is the fear of loneliness. According to a study conducted by the Journal of Men’s Health, men are 39% more likely to commit suicide or indulge in risky behavior after a divorce. Women, on the other hand, end up getting trapped in abusive marriages forever for the fear of ending up alone, making everyone miserable in the process, especially the children.
Managing your divorce maturely
Learn to recognize the signs that indicate that your marriage is really failing and that both you and your partner need to part and move on. It takes a lot of courage to arrive at such a decision, especially if you have children. Instead of prolonging the pain, you should talk to your partner, make them understand that continuing the relationship is not beneficial for either of you, and make sure the divorce process is amicable.
Given here are seven useful tips that can help you prepare for the divorce and face your post-divorce life.
1. Get your paperwork sorted. A significant percentage of divorces do not end up amicably. So, prepare your documents before you meet with your spouse and their legal counselor. There may be joint accounts, joint ventures, and many more such things that you have tied up with your spouse.
2. Your lawyer is supposed to help you with all this. But there is no end to underscoring how vital this really is. Going back to your ex-partner needlessly post-divorce is painful and disturbing, and you do not want to end up in a long legal struggle.
3. It is very difficult to see your marriage crumble. At the same time, remember that you are not the only one who is going through this. Get psychiatric help. Get into supportive group therapy if you need some perspective. It can prepare you to face your post-divorce life – your relationship with your children, your productivity at the workplace, your social life, and many more.
4. Face it. A divorce can happen due to a number of reasons – an extra-marital affair, rupture of balance among various commitments, violence and abuse, or simply falling out of love. Whatever be it, there’s bound to be misery, regret, doubt, and anxiety. The key is to remember that like everything else in life, the phase passes. It is important to develop some emotional maturity before D-Day.
5. Be prepared. For the worst actually! A divorce might involve a legal battle depending on the circumstances. It could be over property, custody of children and pets, alimony, or child support. You might find yourself in an unpleasant situation on many occasions – both inside and outside the courtroom.
6. Detach yourself from the proceedings without losing focus. Only practised and controlled detachment can help you meet the new faces of the people who mattered so much to you all this time. Learn to live on your own and stop being emotionally dependent on your partner.
7. Love yourself. A divorce can affect you on a physical and mental level. Instead of wallowing in a cesspool of selfpity and negativity, you should count your blessings and try to get a fresh start in life. Hang out with your friends and family. Start exercising regularly. Explore your areas of interest. Do the things that you love doing all by yourself. It is imperative that you avoid shutting yourself out from the rest of the world.
Dating after a divorce
The easiest thing you can do to reinvent yourself after a divorce is to start dating again. If you went through a bitter and painful divorce process, you might feel a sense of repulsion towards women in general. It is, however, a flawed perception and you should not encourage such thoughts if you ever want to have a healthy relationship with someone again.
If you are uncomfortable with approaching strange women, ask your friends or colleagues to set yourself up with women from their social circle. You can also sign up with online dating sites and start matching up profiles again.
You can also join groups and associations where you can meet and spend time with likeminded people. You might meet someone whom you find interesting or someone who finds you interesting.
The most important thing you should remember is to take things slow. You might not find someone you like right away. It might take time, effort, and persistence on your part. In some cases, you might find someone you like right away. Still, you should try to get to know them better, spend some time with them, and decide if you two are compatible.
When it comes to dating after a divorce, it is always better to err on the side of caution. Even if you are absolutely sure that you have found someone whom you want to spend the rest of your life with, take one step at a time and make sure they are on the same page as you are before you decide to have a committed relationship again.
Final thoughts
A divorce can be incredibly difficult to deal with. Still, there is no point in clinging on to a marriage that has clearly fallen apart. You cannot patch things up with your partner once your mind tells you that it is over. So, focus on your divorce and end things with your partner in an amicable manner.
More importantly, start dating again, reinvent yourself, and start living your life again to the fullest. Remember – a divorce need not be the end of your social life. Irrespective of your age, you can still find someone to spend the rest of your life with.
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